just now and today

it's about 3:05 AM now in Moscow city. 

as usual, I can't sleep. it's abnormal for a student. should be in dream already. 

but I decided to write rather than study nor sleep. ah typical me. can't help. I need to throw this feeling away. acah speaking. serious acah. zz

okay let's begin. hmm. kawan-II tahu yg saya ni seorang gadis, wanita, perempuan, kakak, adik perempuan, anak perempuan yg kuat. dan kuat lagi. dan memang susah saya nak menangis like pung pang pung pangg. susah betul. saya fragile kalau rindukan family je. kalau sakit-II hati ni, susah betul. tapi kadang-II bila tak tahan kena muntah gak dok? meleleh air dari mata. elehhh you are strong. semua org tahu. dan tak akan tak tahu.

kadang-II bila org salah, kita cuba nk betulkan, tapi rasa diri tak mampu. tak sebagus org lain utk menegur. baik tak. pandai tak. rajin tak. cantik tak. kaya tak. eh apa je ada? rupanya semua tak ada. sedar diri. saya rasa saya sedar yg saya mmg tak ada apa-II. so since when saya rasa diri ni bagus? * a big qustion mark. if yes, please give some evidence. I will change. I really don't know.

friends, to be honest, I have someone special in my heart. eventho gaduh-II, eventho marah-II, eventho jeles-II, eventho emo-II dlm game, eventho buat keputusan merapu meraban, but yet he still the one I needed the most.

but.....

sometimes we need to learn to let go people. some kind of people who doesn't need us in their life. who thought that we are causing troubles, make them not happy, blocking them from doing whatever they want to. (the heck speaking) seriously. I learnt that tho. I feel disappointed. but you no need to worry about me. I know you will but you must stay strong too. I'm here always pray for you, and for sure I will be your stalker from now on. a long distance stalker.

I didn't mean to hurt you, neither over emo on myself. nope and nope. but I was sad that time. really sad. plus PMS thingy around. if anything I did wrong just now, I am sorry. so please forgive me. don't keep anything in your heart. because from now things won't be the same as before. myb we won't get a chance to talk to each other again. I can't be that perfect as everyone else in your past but I tried to give you all of me. I'm lack of everything.  

so please, be happy each time you open your eyes for a new day.